Seeing Yourself Differently: Where Healing Begins

 

— Jaehee Kim, Director of Healing Wings Psychological Counseling & Research Center

Recently, I worked with an English-speaking international client who came to counseling saying,

"I'm anxious."
"I'm depressed."

At first, I planned to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to address her anxiety. However, as our sessions progressed, I realized that she had spent much of her life suppressing her emotions. She also found it difficult to express her inner struggles, making it challenging for her to put her experiences into words.

Instead of focusing only on the anxiety itself, I began exploring her family history to better understand where it had originated.

Again and again, she replied,

"It wasn't difficult."
"I was fine."

We reached another dead end.

But I did not stop.

I was not digging deeper to find a problem.

I was exploring more deeply for one purpose only: to empower my client.

Working with clients who can clearly describe their pain is often easier.

The greatest challenge is working with someone who has experienced hardship but does not recognize it themselves—someone who sincerely believes that their childhood and life were completely "fine."

Even then, I continue with patience and persistence.

As we explored further, I learned that she had spent much of her adolescence caring for several younger siblings.

Adolescence is usually a time for making friends, discovering personal interests, talking about relationships, and developing one's own identity.

Instead, much of her freedom had been devoted to caring for others.

Yet she continued to say,

"I was fine."

At that moment, I decided it was time to ask a different question.

Since she was a teacher, I asked,

"If one of your own students voluntarily told you they wanted to give up their own adolescence to care for their younger siblings, would you recommend that?"

She immediately burst into tears.

Her answer was simple.

"No."

I gently replied,

"You went through so much."

Later, we spoke about her parents.

They loved her deeply.

However, one parent expressed emotions intensely, while the other rarely expressed emotions at all.

I quietly said,

"It seems there wasn't much space for your own emotions growing up."

She cried again.

We also talked about how she had repeatedly relocated because of her spouse's career.

Moving from place to place, adapting to new environments, building new relationships—it had not been easy.

I told her,

"That wasn't easy, but you made it through."

For the first time, she began to see herself from a different perspective.

Seeing yourself differently...

Allowing your self-concept to change...

That is where healing truly begins.

When confrontation is used well in counseling, it can become one of the most powerful catalysts for change.

However, many beginning therapists experience client dropout or resistance because the timing or approach is not appropriate.

If we ignore the client's readiness and perspective, we may end up displaying our professional analysis while failing to help the person sitting in front of us.

A counselor's approach should always be grounded in warmth.

The purpose of confrontation is never to prove that the counselor is right.

Its purpose is to offer deeper empathy and to help clients understand, accept, and embrace themselves more fully.

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Healing Wings Psychological Counseling & Research Center
Children | Adolescents | Adults | Couples | Families | English Counseling (International Clients Welcome)

📍 Room 311, 3rd Floor, Geumgang Venezia
213 Sicheong-daero, Sejong-si, South Korea

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